I had just finished cleaning two dirty golden retrievers and was headed to the shower when I got the phone call. I quickly gathered my stinky self and got into the car and down the highway. I found her in the downstairs 1/2 bath of her new home, sitting, crying…she was miscarrying. I held her for awhile, crying with her…mourning with her. Then, I sat back against the newly built wall and listened. She described their plans for that day, how they came to the new house to install some fans and put together the kids’ trampoline, and then how it all changed when her water broke…at 14 weeks. She had known for a few days that the life inside her was now in God’s hands, but the hospital visit was scheduled for a few days off. We sat for awhile, in awkward silence…what does one say?
Then I spoke, with love and assurance. This was not her fault! No sin, no medication, no punishment was the cause of this. For God’s own wonderful reasons, He had entrusted this life with her, and for His own sovereign reasons, He had taken this life back now. This wasn’t about her; this was about Him…His will…His glory. Could she be a part of it, even if the cost was great? (Will any of us?) I held her face in my eyes and looked with determination. This “New Life” was given to her and her husband as a gift. God may tell them many things from all of this, but one would be…”I make all things new! And I am making your marriage…your family…new! It is my gift to you. Take heart, my children! There is no condemnation in Me, only forgiveness, healing, and new-ness.” At that she nodded. It will have to be her life-song for weeks…maybe more…but I believe that she will believe.
She asked if I wanted to see. I said yes. Some may call it weird or morbid, but what I experienced with her in those few moments of beholding the life that had been within was nothing short of glory! She held in the palm of her hand this little life. A little person of 14 weeks with a face, nose, mouth, eyes, a body with arms, hands, fingers, legs, and toes. The glory of it all is too wonderful for me to express. I saw the very creation of God…The Creator! This life was beautiful! There was no breath, no heartbeat, no physical life, not even a spiritual one that was present at that moment. It was, for me though, the moment when life stood still. For the life lying still in her hand…just a frame…but a frame of His workmanship, of His glory, of His love. For the life sitting as all traces of another left her body…it was a time of stillness, of lying helpless but hopeful in His arms. For the life in me…it was a glimpse into the very heavens…into the very heart of God the Creator…The Father. I beheld the love of the Father in the tender creation before me. The heart cannot hold this in. There are some things we must wait to understand and comprehend and behold in heaven because the earth cannot contain them.
I sit here a day later and ponder what transpired. It is a precious thing to be brought close to the heart of God…to be shown His glory…to be a part of His love. There are many who would wonder if at 14 weeks life had really existed. I do not wonder because I saw the wonder of it all! If there was a death it’s only because there was a life. Not just any life, but a life that gave a husband and a wife excitement for their future. A life that gave smiles and happy hearts to many friends. A life that gave hope, healing, and a resurrection to much that had been dead within. If God’s plan was for that 14 week old life to offer so much, do you think yours is for anything less?
We have this amazing, holy, and glorious opportunity to live all for Him. To live with minds transformed, eyes fixed on Him and His beauty, noses smelling the roses and the lavender and the rain, mouths speaking the Truth in love and boldness, arms reaching out to embrace the need, hands facing heavenward and fingers spread open…always ready to receive and give, a body ready to do His will, and legs and feet willing to go where He leads. The gift of life is just that, a gift…and a gift never stops being a gift!* How will you give life today Friends? How will I? Will someone extend it to you? If they do I pray you drink deep and fully…and then overflow. His well never runs dry, His song never ceases, His life never ends.
20 For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. 21 For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. 22 But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. Philippians 1:20-22 NLT
*a quote by Ann Voskamp @ aholyexperience.com