I am rereading A Woman After God’s Own Heart with some friends of mine. There is a question in the second chapter that has me thinking…”Dream of the woman you want to be…who is the woman of your dreams?” Who do I long to be? This question really can lead a girl down different paths. One path could lead you straight to despair and self-loathing as you realize how far you are from the woman you thought you’d be or want to be! Needless to say, that was not what Elizabeth George had in mind! The path she leads us to is one of “higher” ways and places and thoughts!” (Isa. 55) It’s a path I want to tread thoroughly on this earth so that others might be able to take a clearer path after me. It is a way, though, that I have often sat down on, veered from, or stumbled through. For awhile I decided dreaming was only feeding my discontentment (and some dreaming does), so I stopped. When you stop looking higher you find the ground beneath your feet crumbling and bringing you lower.
So, to look up, again; to dream, again…it is thrilling and exciting and hard and scary.
Why thrilling and exciting? Who doesn’t feel those things when they set out on a new adventure?! Not all of these dreams are new, but a new look at the familiar can give fresh perspective. All of a sudden what once was hidden to the eyes is now in full view, or something you saw one way – maybe even distorted – is now seen in a clearer light.
Thoughts on motherhood, being a godly wife, convictions that were once shady now becoming black and white, thoughts that used to be constricting now giving way to freedom, temptations that used to steal and kill now being trampled under foot, attitudes that kept me lonely, afraid, and insecure now adjusted, paths I never thought we (as a couple or a family) would get to now becoming our new stomping ground, prayers I never thought of uttering now pouring from me daily, opportunities I never thought possible now extending an open door, dreams I never would have dreamed now putting my head in the clouds – in the heavenlies!
After all that, hard and scary? Oh yes! New, different, likely uncomfortable, definitely unknown! Full of twists and turns and faith-steps that could lead to the next road or another dead end so that I learn to continue to seek Him and trust Him. More spiritual stretching and strengthening and enduring. An assurance of more joys to be found in trials and character to be developed in hardships. More prayers to be prayed in faith and left to His will and way and time – NOT MINE! You see, these dreams weren’t created in the heart of me, the woman; they originated in the mind and heart of The Creator. So…
The woman might dream of going to share the gospel to the ends of the earth and find that means the end of my driveway. The woman might dream of leading others and find that means being a lead follower. The woman could see a closed door, start to turn away, and forget that He said to “Knock and it will be opened.” The woman might see the next trial as a result of my lack and miss the abundance of God offered. The woman might see the opportunity but miss the reason. The woman might have good intentions and still miss His purposes. The woman might allow all the ‘no’s’ to echo loudly and not hear the whispered ‘yes’. The woman really could start this dream-thing again and still walk through the days as the living-dead – never waking to experience the fullness of what was realized!
The chapter suggests writing down who you’d want to be or accomplish in 1 year and 10 years…
When sickness, financial strain, and conflict arise – to walk through it in peace and grace, “smiling at the future”.
To have hidden more of His Word in my heart, and be working on “burying” more treasure!
To have read His Word, all the way through, one more time.
To be more real – all the time, with everyone. No more masks or insecurities that keep me longing to be anyone but myself.
To be a woman of action, not intention.
To pray in faith and not in vain.
To trust Him…PERIOD.
To laugh more with my children – to offer a smile over a scorn!
To relax more in the touch of my husband – in his love.
To love like my Father.
To have raised 4 children who will then have been given every opportunity and access to know Jesus as their Savior…and be serving and worshiping and leading others to do the same! (It is my hope and prayer and greatest purpose as a mother!)
To have become a woman living on every Word of God!
To be leading others higher by leading them lower.
To no longer be fazed by the trials and disappointments of this world because my sight is always set on Him.
To have a greater tact and love and compassion to extend.
To be more one with Christ and Nathan – no more pulling away or pushing away or uncomfortable or untrusting feelings.
To have a a close connection with each of my children – one that will cross borders and new relationships and callings.
To have lived a life that required miracles – spurring the faith of those who observe my life (and those who live it with me.)
To have developed my love language with God – the language that says “Yes!” to whatever, whenever!
Neither of these lists are extensive; I could add to them at any moment! Nor are they posted to put pressure on myself; rather, they are “posted” to guide my way, to direct me in the Way, and to lead me to the Prize! I pray that you will dare to dream, whether woman or man – would you pray that I will keep doing the same?!