Well, Spring-ish weather may finally be upon us here in Colorado…maybe. I pray the same can stay true of my spirit! People ask me how I’m feeling, and for a stretch of a good three weeks I have been able to say with enthusiasm, “Great!” I even told the doctor how the end of this pregnancy was a bit easier on my body than the last one had been. Then, the weekend happened. (Now in all fairness I need to give my body some time to readjust after a very quick trip to Texas with the Guitar Player, in which I forgot my prenatal vitamins that have the very necessary iron I need, didn’t get in a walk or exercise for almost four days, and therefore I am very exhausted.) In response to that last parenthesis, though, I must prepare this “self” for the very real possibility that I will not “readjust” until after May 22. We are spending this week working on some needed repairs and fixes around the house as well as putting a lot of our stuff into boxes, so that while we are gone to North Carolina for a 10 day trip the house is ready to be walked through and seen and evaluated by those who could possibly buy it. In the midst of that, Nathan is still working his regular schedule at the Church Building, I am still finishing up some schooling with the kids, and I still need to do the “normal domestic ministry” I usually do during the week. This would be a really great time for the word “nesting” to roll off my tongue and infuse this body; instead, the word is “exhausted!”

I have broken down in exhausted, emotional tears already…a few times…over all this. The realtor put her signs out in our yard on Saturday and I thought I might get sick! As much as I know that we could use the space, and most days I mutter how I want the space, I do not yet have the excitement for trying to create a “new space” that is us. No matter where we move, if we move, it will take time, energy, money, and more time to get things to be the space that becomes the place that reflects us. All this as we are preparing for our fifth child to arrive in about eight weeks. (I think I’ve already lamented to Nathan over why we always seem to do things the harder way.)

So, I have to ask myself on this Monday morning, “Anastasia, how are you going to live today?” I can easily see how – if left living in my flesh – this day will turn out; scary! What I’m having a hard time with is rubbing my sleepy eyes enough to see how I might walk in grace this day when I feel so very un-graceful at the moment. Just the things that lay in front of me over the next 45 minutes seem too much; how will I do with a whole day? How will I reflect Christ to my husband, my children, and my neighbors today? Will I give in to whining and moaning and groaning or will I trade them in and lay them down for the Joy of The Lord? Will I find the peace and rest I seek in just doing the next thing?

I could live off the energy of caffeine, the adrenaline of just getting it all done, the drive that being frustrated with the dust, dirt, and clutter can give OR I can “turn my eyes upon Jesus and look full in His wonderful face and let the things of earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace!” I could leave on these dark, cloudy, doubtful, fearful, anxious thoughts OR I can clothe myself in the righteous robes offered me by Father. I could walk around in this restless flesh OR I can keep in step with the Spirit. I could be filled with my selfish, prideful, sinful thoughts OR I can yield to being filled with His Spirit that will produce LOVE, JOY, PEACE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, GOODNESS, FAITHFULNESS, GENTLENESS, AND SELF-CONTROL. I could lay down in the desert of my dry, bone-weary feelings OR I can rise up like a tree that is planted firmly by streams of living water.

1 As the deer longs for streams of water,
so I long for you, O God.
2 I thirst for God, the living God.
When can I go and stand before him?
3 Day and night I have only tears for food,
while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,
“Where is this God of yours?”
4 My heart is breaking
as I remember how it used to be:
I walked among the crowds of worshipers,
leading a great procession to the house of God,
singing for joy and giving thanks
amid the sound of a great celebration!
5 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and 6 my God!
Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
7 I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
8 But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.
9 “O God my rock,” I cry,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?”
10 Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”
11 Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!
Psalm 42 NLT

GraceLaced Mondays