“Jo, dear, we all have our temptations, some far greater than yours, and if often takes us all our lives to conquer them. You think your temper is the worst in the world; but mine used to be just like it.”…Why, you are never angry!…”I am angry nearly every day of my life, Jo; but I have learned not to show it; and I still hope to learn not to feel it…I’ve learned to check the hasty words that rise to my lips…I was too proud to confess my weakness to anyone else. I had a hard time, Jo, and shed a good many tears over my failures; for, in spite of my efforts, I never seemed to get on…for I am not patient by nature…the love, respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive for my efforts to be the woman I would have them copy…If I don’t seem to need help, it is because I have a better friend…to comfort and sustain me. My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father…The more you love and trust Him, the nearer you will feel to Him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength…”
~Little Women (chapter 8; Jo and Marmee’s conversation)
I was reading this to Hannah before her morning nap and began crying through the words. It was me. I wish feelings of anger weren’t a part of me, but they are. In fact they are my natural reaction to almost anything that doesn’t go just my way. I feel it rising and sometimes it reaching my face. I try desperately to stop it before it spews from my mouth. By His strength I have gotten much better! Yet, just like Marmee, I wish to learn not to “feel it”.
After I finished the chapter, and my weep, I held my daughter close and prayed that all the faults I have could be spared her. I prayed she would take the best from her father and mother and everything she could in this life from her Heavenly Father and be the bearer of much grace and light in this dark world. (I pray the same for her brothers.) If I could give my children anything, it would be less of me and more of Him. Be it ever so!