I sit here this morning from my kitchen table, watching the trees sway with the welcome breeze, eating my cinnamon-sugar toast, thanking God for every new mercy He is handing me today, and trying not to smudge too much butter on my screen. I don’t deserve it – His love. There are days when I don’t even acknowledge it or live in it, let alone extend it. That…was yesterday. I could write down every unloving moment I walked in yesterday, but as this new day dawns with all it’s gracious possibility, I can’t imagine scarring it in that way! Some things you just need to let die, to pass, to be behind you, so that the new can have its chance in you. I press on.

On my mind these days:

Where is my love for my Savior? Why am I not spending more time in conversation and communion with Him? I want to hear His voice, to feel His breath, to know His nearness. What is replacing my First Love? Search me and know me…and reveal any wayward way in me, Lord Jesus. You died to live with me, never to be parted again. May my eyes be opened to the walls I’m erecting; strengthen my faith(fulness) to demolish them! I want to see miracles in the “glorious mundane” – I want to see Your mighty, gentle hand at work. I want to be a part of that work!

My heart’s desire:

How is it, when you dwell in the depths of me, unlovely and unholy fruit still proceed out of my mouth? Are there places within me that I have shut you out of? When will my lifesong truly be, “I surrender all!”?
If anyone is in Christ, he (she) is a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come…You tell us to remain in Your love and to love one another as You and the Father have expressed such love to each other and to mankind. This fruit that will show the world I am Yours does not come from my spirit; Your Spirit must take over and transform my life. Fill me with Your Spirit; flood me the way you flooded the earth in Noah’s day! Give me a true new beginning as you wash away all my hate, filth, sadness, and wrong. If I give nothing else in a day, let the one thing I always give be love! All the meals, words, housekeeping, schedules, and activities are nothing if they are handed out in the distasteful ways of unLoveliness. But, all the crumbs, silences, messes, spontaneities, and stillnesses are everything if I extend them with Your Love. Make my mission this one thing, at whatever season or place I’m in, with whomever I’m with, with whatever means I have – whatever…just let me Love!

Stirring in my spirit:

Just this…I am longing to be “stirred!” I have been dealing with a whole lot of self lately, and when that hasn’t been going on I’ve been taking time to observe a lot. I watch the birds and the squirrels in the morning. I see the trees and the mountains, and the evidence of our Creator’s Mighty Hand. The kids and I went to the park across the street last week, which we rarely do as I have tried to protect them from some of the bad influences I know exist there. But, as we ran into children we have known for awhile and some we have never met, God gave me atleast a small “stirring”…maybe it’s time I follow my kiddos example…to be more brave and generous and all-out loving! They don’t walk with such caution; they show up ready to play, to have fun, to be friends. Oh, how they teach me the ways of our Jesus!

My physical:

I am somewhere between 37 and 38 weeks (depending if you look at my calendar, my measurements, or ask my husband:)) of this pregnancy. Some days and weeks are good and fun and filled with happy expectations. Some days and weeks are swollen and hard and full of tears and I fight to not complain. Nights are mostly spent turning from side to side, hoping to fall asleep from exhaustion because no position is comfortable. Mornings are the best time, and sometimes the good times last all the way into early afternoon. There is nothing that is abnormal for a 9 month pregnant lady, and I praise Him for that! I feel like we aren’t nearly as prepared house-wise as we were with the others. Baby shower gifts are still in their pretty bags all over Hannah’s floor. The crib is still not up. I don’t yet have any diapers as I am doing cloth this time, for the most part, and still need to order some stuff. We need a more up to date carseat, with a base and stroller preferably. My bag is not packed for the hospital. None of this is due to a lack of generosity from others! This is the result of me just not having the energy to get around to it. I nested for 6 hours last Saturday and have been exhausted since! Also, I guess by now, this being baby blessing #5, I know what things are really essential and what are not. I know how quickly we can just run to WalMart and pick up a box of this or that. I know that a blanket on the floor is just as effective as a bouncy seat, for awhile. I know that while we are inclined to spend lots and accumulate lots for one small 8 lb bundle, all they really need revolves around arms that hold and change and feed and rock. So, I guess what I’m saying is, I know these things need to get done, and I want these things to get done, and these things will get done, but if they aren’t all completed by the time Ruth Charis decides to “grace” us with her presence, we will all still be okay. (Except for the carseat thing…yeah, gotta get that in order!)

25 Just then an expert in the law stood up to test Him, saying, “Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?”

26 “What is written in the law?” He asked him. “How do you read it?”

27 He answered:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.

28 “You’ve answered correctly,” He told him. “Do this and you will live.” Luke 10