A great idea derailed—So, I had this great idea for a blog. It started with me telling how I read the whole book “ ” on my 35th birthday (5 years ago). And of course any story that starts with me reading a thick classic book makes me look really good and smart, and I had all these great reflections on human nature, and blah, blah, blah. And then before I actually started writing this amazing blog, today happened. It started pretty good, actually, I reunited a remote control car with it’s long lost remote control (they had been separated for 5 months) and made Micah REALLY happy. Then I put new strings on my guitar, which Maggie had been begging me to do for quite awhile. I was feeling pretty “together”. After lunch I left the 2 babies napping with Maggie & took Micah and Judah for an outing to Wal-mart. It was there in the Wal-mart check out line that I got a phone call…..I saw that it was Andy, and I panicked. Oh, no, what time was it? I forgot to pick up Sarah at school! It was absolutely pouring down rain all day. It was already 30 minutes past time to get her, and Andy was calling to inform me that he couldn’t stay for swimming practice because I hadn’t turned in his sports physical yet…..he had no idea where Sarah was. Maggie called me 10 minutes later. Sarah was home, and she was wet….and mad. I asked to talk to her and I broke down crying. She forgave me……she figured she could use having to walk two miles in the rain as leverage to get me to say “yes” to some future event. Ok. I’ll let her use it. Later, I went into Andy’s room to sign some school papers, and commented, “I hope I never forget Sarah again.” He said, “Don’t worry you will.” Thanks, for the vote of confidence, Andy. But I did see him smile.
No profound thoughts—Gracie is 7 weeks old now. She is a long, skinny baby like Micah was. She is wonderful, but does have a flaw–she cries anytime she is not being held. We do hold her a lot, but she also cries A LOT. I chose several children ago not to have a baby swing, because I wanted to force myself to hold my babies more. It was just too easy to let the swing do the holding, but I admit, I’m wearing down. One side effect of having a new baby is that it is practically impossible to read. I either have her in one arm & can’t hold the book (or can’t see it without my glasses), or she is crying and I can’t concentrate. As a result of not reading, my brain feels like mush. My profound thought for the day was, “If I spray Febreeze in the freezer will the meat taste like “fresh melon scent”?
“All the paths of the Lord are loving kindness and truth”—This is from a Psalm in the I love this translation because it uses the phrase “loving kindness”, instead of just “goodness” or “love”. I like to meditate on the fact that as God guides my life, His path for me is a kind one. As I’ve reflected on the blogs (inner musings) I’ve written over the last few years, I am struck with the consistent mix of funny, sweet, but also trial, and struggle. Deep inside me for as long as I can remember, there has been the continuous thought, “At some point, if I work hard enough, the trial and struggle part of this day….. month…..life will be over, and I can just rest in the funny, sweet part.” But it is a myth……a myth like, “If I clean my house REALLY good, it will stay clean, and I’ll never have to clean it again.” The truth is, “If I mop the floor today, someone will drop a bottle of ketchup on it.” Such is life! But like many of you, I am still driven by myths (dare I say “lies”?) when I wake up in the morning. The “just get through this” motivation pushes me to be oblivious to the sweetness….the kindness, around me. I’m always trying to “get to” the time when the struggle will end…….. “Don’t rest until the house is clean, don’t rest until ALL the bills are paid, don’t rest until everyone around you is getting along perfectly.” And so, I don’t rest……but my tired soul cries out, “Help me, Lord.” Always….His words are .Always….His words are the balm. “Come to me,” He says. All My paths are loving kindness. All My paths are loving kindness. Come, and find rest for your souls.” I really am trying to rest as I struggle, and thank God for the sweetness of a crying baby, and read books to small children in rooms with un-mopped floors. But it is so easy to type, so hard to do. Jesus, how did you live a life of rest when You were here? With so many people around you all the time? My children are ages 20, 18, 16, 16, 14, 12, 10, 8, 6, 5, 1, and 2 mos. And they all need me at different levels. I can’t end this blog with some cliché’……I need something real to grab onto and give to others. I have no profound thoughts…… just thanks for letting me be part of a Body. A body that prays for me and helps me. Thank you friends for loving me. Please know that I love you back. And tonight, I rest in that.