“Let Him (or her) who has ears to hear, hear.”

I would get finished reading about and liking pictures of another ministry that I completely adore and wish I could support more than just through prayer, I’d push the button to turn my screen black, and then pray once more that God would give me such a passion for the gifts – the life, relationships, and responsibilities – that He’d placed right before me right now.  I wanted to love where I was at and the people I was with more than I wanted to jump on a plane and walk down others’ roads, but that was just it…I was still wanting it.  I was ready to push past the wanting and start the taking hold of and having.  (And of course I loved the people here, but you can live a whole lifetime just halfway there.)

“Let Him (or her) who has ears to hear, hear.”

So around January first, I opened up The Word and began wondering which sections I would hide in my heart this year.  I landed in a place I’d been hovering around for a few years.  The letter to the Philippians has always been one of my favorites.  One of the reasons is because of chapter one verse 21, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.”  Awhile back when this girl was youth group age, ahem…, that was the theme for one of the conferences or camps I was a part of.  We even had t-shirts about it.  I remembered that verse because I think at the time I was also reading DC Talk’s Jesus Freaks book all about martyrs.  I was all in for Jesus and whatever He asked of me then, and I pretty much expected it would be full of all material discomforts.  Bring it on!

How surprised was I that, though there have been lean times in my life, I haven’t come close to the third world “lifestyle” I was expecting.  (Not that I really would have handled such a life any better or with any better attitude. I know enough to know that I just…don’t know what would be required of me.)  Instead I have had many comforts placed before me and therefore, I’ve been asked to steward this well.  To love much here.  To “live is Christ.” None of us like thinking of death, but really isn’t death the easier part for the Christian.  It happens and in the blink of an eye we’re with Him.  (And no, I don’t want to blink just yet.) But, to live – that takes a few more blinks this side of eternity. It isn’t painless, stainless, or shameless.  WE WILL FALL AND SOMETIMES CAUSE OTHERS TO FALL.  WE WILL BE HURT AND WE WILL HURT.  WE WILL WANT AND WE WILL HAVE TO FILL.

Though to live isn’t always roses, there are some good size roses in the bunch.  In some seasons they are a pretty big mass and in other seasons all that’s left are the stems and thorns.  Want to know the truth?  I have a pretty sweet life!  I have a husband who is a God follower and desires to lead others to do the same.  I have five children (!!!!!) who seem to love to call me mom (at least I assume that’s why I hear that title around a hundred times a day).  We have a home that the hubby keeps making more and more wonderful.  We have a steady income.  We have a church family that loves on us and a team of people that we work with that we actually like (and we hope like us;)).  Some days, though, I find I don’t quite know what to do with all this “life.”

It’s kinda like taking this jean wearing, t-shirt and flip-flops sporting southern girl into a very fancy restaurant where you’re expected to know which fork to use at just the right time.  I just do not know how to fully function there!  (I have been in such atmospheres, and I did dress up because it was the “code,” and as soon as I got home I quickly traded the fancy for the familiar and all felt right again.)  It’s the truth – I don’t know how to handle “nicer than I’m used to or expected to have.”  I feel like it’s the pretty sitting room that some homes have that no one uses except for special guests.  It kinda seems off-limits or out of my league.  “Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders…”  Oh yeah, I guess that doesn’t just mean the dusty places; perhaps it’s also the dusted places.

So, Philippians it was and Philippians it is and Philippians it was supposed to be.  Remember, I prayed – I asked; so, since His Voice is still alive and active, He answered.  Chapter one verses 8-9 stopped me in my tracks.  “I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus, And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more…”  I cried out to Father, begging for such an affection and a love.  If Paul had it, if the Philippians could have it, then so could I! If Katie could love the poor around her doorstep and Asher could love the feet full of jiggers and Mary Beth could love the orphans in China and Lindsey could love the refugees in Jordan and Skye could love the prostitute on Green Street and Pam could love the Haitian children looking for oreos and Katie and Kristian and Christine could love the girls and boys sold into slavery then I could love the husband I’ve been called to model Christ’s love with and the children I’ve been entrusted to Deuteronomy 6 with and the church family I’ve been led to build up and serve with and the children I’ve been asked to delight in, love on, and share Jesus with on Sundays.  Yes, ’cause just like that younger, youthful me, I was still all in for Jesus and whatever He asked of me.

I went on to be reminded in chapter two that Christ, who was God, did not regard Himself in that way but emptied Himself (humbled Himself) and became obedient to the call on His life.  He did what was needed.  He didn’t wait and take a spiritual gifts test first to see if this was really what God wanted Him to do.  He didn’t let His preferences or desires for comfort keep Him from reaching the world with God’s love.  He practiced exactly what He preached: “Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added.” His starting point wasn’t Himself – it was The Kingdom.  His starting point was the greatest need where He was at.  Well, He was on earth among mankind and the greatest need then (and the greatest need now) was for people to come into complete communion with God. So, He would take the Self that He was, with all it’s skills and gifts, and use it with whomever God placed in His path wherever that path was.

Finding out how you’re wired or where you have a passion isn’t wrong nor do I discourage it; actually I encourage it!  Finding out who you are in Him will benefit the Kingdom greatly instead of trying to put on someone else’s shoes all the time!  (Jesus knew who He was and what He was here for, so it made it easy for Him to be about His Father’s business.) But did you notice what the gifts were meant to be?  A benefit for the Church.  I know that we as human parents sometimes tell our kids to put certain toys away when company comes over because we deem some things okay not to share, but that’s not the case with the gifts God gives us.  Our gifts aren’t meant to make us stingy or self-focused.  They are very much meant to remain gifts – which in their very definition means they are to be given…to infinity and beyond, if you will.

And this very “life” that Christ would choose would eventually lead to a death that would claim the knees and tongues of all creation to the glory of God the Father.  The same God who so loved the world that He gave up His only son to have it near.  It was this joy that was before Christ that motivated Him to live the one human life He had here on earth – the joy of the glory of God the Father and the joy of having His children with Him forever.  It makes me ponder what my motivations are in life.  There is nothing wrong with having other motives for life, but the first one, well, Jesus made it easy.  He told us what it was to be – the Kingdom, and this priority should infect or affect all the others.  Everything we do should somehow be a light that guides the world’s attentions and affections straight to the glory of God.

“Let Him (or her) who has ears to hear, hear.”

Just like Christ did it all for the joy set before Him, Paul reminds us over and over again in Philippians to do it all for the same reason.  “Rejoice and share your joy!” We are quick to share our discomforts and our complaints.  We are quick to share our dislikes or disagreements over something.  Why not learn to be quick to share joy?  Why not learn to find joy in the very thing you’re finding complaints so easy in?  Jesus sure did.  Paul did.  David did.  Since there’s nothing new under the sun and since we go through the same things our brothers and sisters around the world do, I’m pretty sure it’s possible.  Those little seeds don’t seem so promising when you put them in the ground in the spring, but I’ve seen a whole lotta smiles this August as friends are picking vegetables and fruit from their own gardens or canning items from other people’s gardens.  A lot of times the joy comes out of the dark or the discomfort or even the frustration.  I think there are a lot of times in our lives that remain joy-less not because it’s not there to be found but because we get kind of comfortable in the dark – in our selves – that we don’t actually break out and fully bloom.  Because if we break out, we are, well…out there.  For others to see, for others to need, for others to draw from.  That’s what it takes to “live is Christ” – to be there for others.  To be of a humble mind where we regard one another as more important than ourselves.  To not only look out for our own personal interests but of others.

So, somewhere between Phil 1:1 and Philippians 3:4 (where I’m at this week) I began to break out and push through and rise above the dark.  Those prayers turned into my praises and those words turned into my worship and those people turned into my people.

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders…wherever you would call me.”

I am a dreamer. Always have been. As a little girl it was a way to escape the harsh reality of my life, and as I grew it was that and a way for me to have hope for the future. My husband is a realist. He’s a “right here in front of you” kind of guy which makes his life much simpler, I think. I have always been looking to the next thing and/or the next place; he’s great at living exactly where he’s at when he knows God has called him somewhere. You know how opposites attract and how differences can compliment one another? This is not usually the case with a dreamer and a live-er.

So many times I have been the source of discouragement for my husband and his calling because it’s not what I dreamed my life should be.

I don’t have this, I’m not here or there, I’m not serving in this way or that, it’s not at all what…I thought…it…would…be.

There is this amazing woman tucked away in my hometown. Her and her husband were/are my spiritual parents. I rarely have connection with them now, but in high school they were nearly everything to me! About 4 years ago, 6-7 months after my first daughter was born, I took a trip to NC to see my best friend’s first born. I stopped in one evening at Mt. Zion, my old church family, as they were having revival that week. (Revival…do any of you miss that? I do!) It just so happened that about five minutes after I sat down, she walked through the door. Our eyes met, we smiled huge, we hugged big, and we made the executive decision to revive each other that evening. So, off we went to her husband’s office.

When I say “revive,” I mean revive! There has never been any other person or circumstance that has made me feel more at renewed in body, heart, mind, and spirit than sitting and sharing with that lady that night. We shared joys, we shared harsh realities, we shared sorrows, we shared prayers we’ve been praying since before I left NC, and then I said, “You and Ken told me I was going into ministry, but you never told me how hard it was going to be.” To which she replied with a smile, something like, “We didn’t want to scare you off!” Truth is, I don’t know if I would have believed her even if she had told me the hard truths of ministry; I was so enamored with how her and Ken served the Lord – you know, with my outside-the-loop perspective. But what I found out that night was this: all the hard I was experiencing, was as Solomon put it, “nothing new under the sun.” Many of the situations are similar, it’s how men and women have dealt with them that are different. I am ashamed to say, I haven’t dealt well.

I was always told to follow my dreams; never once was I taught how to lay down my dreams in order to follow God. I was taught that God had placed these desires within me and so it was His responsibility to work them out. Never was I taught that giving up my dreams, trusting Him with them whether they came to fruition or not, may be the very thing He was asking of me. Never was I taught that supporting another’s calling would be my calling. Again, I am ashamed to say, I haven’t dealt well.

So, today I was reading Day Nine, His Purpose, and I got to this:

“His wife…also hears God’s call on his life and she supports it in every way she can”
And
“God has called you to something, too. But it will fit in with whatever your husband’s calling is, it will not be in conflict with it.”

And as I read that again, I responded to God the same way I did the first time I read this, “But I have nothing to do with Nathan’s ministry!” I can’t stand beside him on Sundays and sing, a longing I had to give up on a long time ago because y’all, I can’t sing – literally! I also have no interest in or desire to learn code or pixels or how to create images or how to enhance images for websites or publications. I sometimes give him my thoughts on a graphic – which he taught himself how to do, and I think that’s a truly amazing God thing – but I don’t have it in me to want to do that stuff myself. I don’t play an instrument and when it comes to Sunday mornings, I don’t even get to stand beside him and talk to people. I pretty much feel like he has his thing and I…I have our kids and home. (Okay, I can’t believe I’m actually sharing all this. This is real, but I’m not sure many would approve of me getting all this “out there.” I don’t even know that I approve…)

So, as I am reading over this chapter, I am still crying out to God, “Really, all you want me to do is pray?! That’s it!

“Your prayers can help cast away discouragement and keep it from taking hold. It can help your husband to hear and cling to God’s revelation. It can cause him to live his life on purpose.”

And here’s where I have the Peter conversation with Jesus. “But what about that couple? They are able to serve together here/there, in this way/that way, and they seem so effective.” And Jesus replies just as He did to Peter when he wanted to know what John’s call would be, “What is that to you…you follow me.”

Then, as I’m praying for him, the final sentences stop me once again,

“I pray that the desires of his heart will not be in conflict with the desires of Yours. May he seek You for direction, and hear when You speak to his soul.”

See, here’s what I know, Nathan does seek God’s desires. He has not always done this perfectly, but he knows how to lay down his own personal preferences in order to do God’s will. He also seeks God’s direction and voice. It’s me that seeks my own desires and direction and uses the excuse that God must have put them there, so surely He wants them to work out in my life. So, when I pray that desires would not be in conflict with God’s desires for Nathan’s life, it’s mine I’m praying will not be the conflict.

Ladies, this may or may not be every married woman’s story, but it is mine. It is not one I am proud of or even want to admit to. When I get overwhelmed with my selfish thoughts, I go back to Ruth’s biography. I read her prayers about the possibility of marrying Billy Graham. “Lord, if you’ll let me serve alongside him, it’ll be the greatest honor of my life.” (Or something like that.) I read these words and others from this amazing woman who also wanted to be a single missionary but instead became the wife of a traveling evangelist and the stay-at-home (mostly) mother of five while her husband was gone most days of the month. Her disposition, her life, her worth, and her love were founded in Jesus Christ and his glory. When she prayed for God to give her the desires of her heart, I think Ms. Ruth probably understood that He would actually give her – place within her – the desires that come from a life that delights in God. These desires aren’t found or fulfilled in the world, within a selfish heart, nor are they a one size fits all. The details will be different; the purpose will be the same. To honor and glorify God, to build His Kingdom, to live for His pleasure.

So, let me wrap this up with some truth. First, my husband has always encouraged me to find a way to work out my desires and passions where we are at. He has always told me how valuable I am to his ministry and life. He has even asked me what I think I would do when the kids are older (to which I usually get frustrated and weepy because I honestly have no idea…I have no dreams to turn to…yet). My life is not in any way shape or form bad or unfulfilling or less than – my feelings don’t always adequately express my reality. My so-called sacrifices are minimal but they are being used to draw me closer to the One I want to give everything for! Unlike how I sometimes feel, I do believe and know that I have a purpose and a hope and a future in Christ – He has prepared good works for me. And despite the fact that I won’t stand on stage with my husband or even beside him by the church doors any time soon, my prayers for him can be part of helping him to stand in both those places or anywhere else God calls him. Oh, and one BIG TRUTH – being called to be Nathan’s helper is not a lesser calling! This appointment was given to Eve in Eden when all was perfect and when there was no question about men and women being seen as equal before God. Yes people, we are seen as equals before God though our roles are different. And when we are called “helper,” it is not a demotion – Jesus Himself (the Holy Spirit) is called our Helper.

Ladies, pray for your men. Pray that their purposes will be fully fulfilled in the power of Christ Jesus! And please, don’t allow the enemy to have access to any part of your heart, mind, or motivations which will undoubtedly cause you to be a stumbling block to your husband. Instead, stay secure in Christ’s love, and let your prayers give your husband ground to stand on!

Today, I went to one of the scripture references after I prayed for Nathan and myself about the finances we steward. I encourage you to read Luke 12:13-38. It was interesting that I read that far, as the “financial scriptures” seemed to stop at verse 34, but right below it were words on being ready for Jesus’ second coming. And I read these words as if I’d never really read them before.

“He will give you all you need from day to day if you make the Kingdom of God your primary concern…For it gives your Father great happiness to give you the Kingdom…Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be (31-21, 34).” …

AND THEN I READ ON…

“Be dressed for service and well prepared, as though you were waiting for you master to return from the wedding feast. Then you will be ready to open the door and let him in the moment he arrives and knocks (35-36).” …

GET READY, THIS NEXT WORD STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS!

“There will be special favor for those who are ready and waiting for his return. I tell you, he himself will seat them, put on an apron, and serve them as they sit and eat (37)!”

He himself will seat them, put on an apron, and serve them as they sit and eat! You mean Jesus, Who already gave everything to have us with Him, Who served others through His own exhaustion for years here on this earth, Who conquered death and is now seated at the right hand of God, still plans to let us sit down and eat while He puts on an apron and serves us…if we are ready when He returns?! His love for us is truly more than we can imagine ladies! AND His love for our men just the same – more than we can imagine! Do you ever forget that? Do you ever space on how much our God loves your husband – His boy!? The better question would be, do you ever think about, ponder, seek God on how much He loves your husband? I am sporadic at best, but it is His heart for Nathan that I want more than my deceitful one!

As we’re praying for our husbands and their finances today, let us keep our hearts focused on the point of it all – that our husbands would be ready when Jesus returns, so that they will receive the fullness of the favor of God! Our greatest desire for our men should be that they live in the riches of His glory both now and forever, and that every tangible thing they deal with (like money) be another way they draw closer to God.

(Let us also check our hearts. We want to be a gateway for our men to receive these blessings from God. Our own outlook on and actions with finances will either read them for Christ’s return and reward or it will hinder them. This is one area in which we must check our love for Jesus and our men!)