So, I signed up for this gathering about two months ago on one of those days when signing up for something seemed light and easy and possibly…fun! About a month later I began rethinking going. A couple weeks after that I was sure I would just decline my “Meet-up Invite,” then I found out where it was being held, and well, God is just creative enough to entice me with coffee (insert “wink”)! Then the week before (or so) I listened to Christa sing this song over a video of women who have poured their words into the souls of many, and I went straight back to thinking, “Nope. Not gonna go!” The laughing faces on those women, their bare feet in the sand and water, the way the had their arms around each other…all that was supposed to…(in)courage me to be vulnerable and live in real life with other women. Yeah, it just made me want to run to the nearest alone spot I could find and stay put! (By no fault of Christa’s or the sweet ladies in the video!)
You see I had some of that in high school with a great group of girls, but all that, it took time and pain and work and more love than was comfortable sometimes and as wonderful as the wonderful times were, the hard times were…HARD. Inevitably someone’s feelings will cause HURT or get hurt and for someone who never wants to hurt anymore or…to hurt anyone anymore…it can be enough to keep you…AWAY. It just seems safer for all involved.
And so the age old lie from Eden surfaces again. You can get just alone enough to feel safe and not realize The Enemy has slithered his way around you…and…you’re trapped. He begins to encircle you with questions and doubts until the tightness of his grip and the poison of his venom has you paralyzed and truly…ALONE. There is no safety in alone-ness, only FEAR and LIES and PRIDE. So, you fall…
9 Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts. 10 For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up. 11 Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm? 12 And if someone overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. Ecc 4 HCSV
Ahh, but remember, God knows His girl, and He used the aroma and taste of good coffee to get me where I needed to be last Saturday from 2-4. And how thankful I am that He knows me, that He doesn’t leave me, and that He forever leads me with GENTLENESS and GRACE. I sat savoring coffee and scones and mini-bios of women I didn’t know (minus one); I listened to some who were exactly in the same season as me to one lady who had been there, done that, and was now sitting at that table across from me to tell about it. We had no agenda except to be REAL with each other for a brief two hours. So, some of us sat quieter than others, we all kinda smiled a little shy at first, and in the end, we were just glad to have sat beside another lady who loves Jesus, loves her family, and loves knowing someone else around her does too. By no means am I forever HEALED of my inability to feel comfortable or vulnerable with people, but I am…(in)couraged. (insert “smile with a wink”)
I drove away that day passing trees and fields and all things Colorado and felt the most wonderful…PEACE. It was…GOOD. That evening as I made supper, put clean dishes away, stacked dirty dishes, and wiped off counters, I knew one thing for sure…there were atleast seven other ladies doing some of the same, and it was BEAUTIFUL to know we were kinda TOGETHER.