So, Spring Break Day Two was a bit more low-key. Not quite as much entertainment. Sometimes ya just gotta put laundry away, clean some dishes, get medical stuff mailed off, and…take a NAP with your Baby Girl! Yes, this momma got to lay down for a good 30-45 minutes! (It felt like longer; that’s a good sign!) The kids played and created with Legos (big surprise;)) and watched the movie The Incredibles. They also played some in the backyard…as I’m typing this I’m thinking, okay, so this is what I’m blogging about?! Well, yeah. When I look back at this in however many years, I think I’ll be glad that I found these things noteworthy.
After the nap my Miss Cute painted my fingernails and toenails with Princess Aurora Clear With Sparkles polish. Lovely Darling, just lovely!
Thennnnn, it was time for her first day at Ballet Emmanuel’s Dance Camp! I didn’t stick around yesterday to watch (it’s a two hour session), but I have a friend who took some pictures of my four year old-going on teenager. #slowdowngirl #mommameansit !! While Miss Cute was dancing, crafting, learning about creation, and being a bat (I don’t yet know the connection), the other fabulous four and I went to the park. We all had a refreshing time outside; Nathan even commented that my face (and hair) looked like I’d been outside. This NC girl always takes such remarks as a compliment! (I love being outside! Thank you Memaw!)
After Dance Camp we all made our way to pick up Dad (Nathan) and we joined some other friends for a surprise birthday part for their oldest son (out of 10!). We just sat around and ate, fellowshipped, laughed, watched children crawl, run, play hide and seek…pretty good ending to a day, I’d say!
We rolled into our garage at around 9. It was a bit of a mess to get kids into bed, except Ruthie who was already out. We had a Lego mess to attack, four sets of pajamas to put on, four sets of teeth to brush, at least one child to get to the bathroom, two dogs to feed, a kitchen to straighten up, and a very fussy girl to discipline/comfort before bedtime. When Nathan came in after praying over the kids, he expressed his “observations” about Hannah. He expressed what this momma has already known and been praying about for quite some time.
I hesitate to type this because I used to be the mom that would say, “She’s only four! You can’t say such harsh things about a four year old! They’re still learning!” And all of those statements would be true…except the second. I must say certain things about my daughter, to my Father…in prayer, because certain things are a part of who she is right now and certain things aren’t pretty. My four year old is a sinner. There are things she is rightfully held accountable for now, and it breaks this momma’s heart to observe her in her darkness. It broke her daddy’s heart last night. So, we pray. For her. For us. We just need to know what God knows sometimes. We just need to see with His eyes and feel with His heart and discern with His mindset; we just need to be like Him so she can see Him. For all her beauty and for all the plans the Father has for her, the enemy would want to steal, kill, and destroy her. I will fight. Nathan will fight.
Love is war! (This is a title of a song we’re singing on Sunday’s now. Thoughts still aren’t clear enough to write down, but life is making them clearer. Soon…I hope.) It is war and when we became lovers and then parents, Nathan and I didn’t just sign up for the fun and easy, we vowed for the hard and dark too. Most of the time days aren’t just full of one or the other; most of the time they intertwine and weave themselves together to make up a day. So, we have pictures of smiles and prayers for the frowns. We have videos of dancing and we have intercessions for the weeping. We have words of praise and we have confessions and forgiveness. Be it Spring Break or a regular Monday thru Friday, these are the days we are given – gifted – and some are worth smiling over; others require more of me than I can give. On those days, I lay down in bed around 10 p.m. and realize Who carried me most of the way. It’s that gentleness, that lovingkindness, that patience, and that love that I long to display for that little girl and for the other four and for the one I lie next to in bed.
Make me more than I am in you, Father; make me less than I am in me.